October 1998

Dear Family & Friends,

Well we made it through this last month only through the grace of God and all of the people that he placed in our paths to take care of us, to pray for and with us and to be understanding of this crazy little thing called cancer.

On September 22, a CT scan was performed (formerly known as a CAT scan) which revealed that the primary tumor site (adrenal gland) was about 50% smaller, the lung lesions were gone and the spot on his liver was unchanged. Of course we are happy about this news, but are not letting out that sigh of relief just yet. Neuroblastoma commonly responds to chemotherapy at first. Remember back in March when the tumor shrank 67%? We have been here before so it is hard to get too excited about the information on the medical front. The problem lies with the cancer's ability to become resistant to the chemotherapy. Due to the aggressive nature of the tumor that Sebastian has, the doctors are telling us that his next CT scan will give us a better idea of whether or not the chemo is working. This will probably happen at the end of October.

We return to Iowa City on September 29 for another week of chemo. He is getting a different type of chemo 24 hours a day for five days straight. He handled the last cycle remarkably well as he usually does as far as the side effects go, it just took a little bit longer for his bone marrow to start making blood cells on their own. He received three transfusions of red blood cells and platelets (so thank you to all of you who take the time to volunteer to give blood and platelets!!)

L-R: Spencer, Sebastian, Sam. 2nd row: Stephanie, Michele, Steve Jr.

Last month's letter stated that we weren't sure if Sebastian was in pain at that time. When we got to the hospital and he received his first dose of morphine, we got our answer. This was by far the most difficult time that we have had to go through in this battle. The playful, smiling Sebastian that we were so used to seeing was in so much pain that he required morphine every four hours for about six days until the chemo started working on the tumor. After that, we went home on Tylenol with codeine for another week. Doctors are speculating that the tumor was pressing on a nerve causing him to have pain in his lower back, preventing him from putting weight on his right leg. So for about two weeks he really struggled. He didn't get out of bed the first week and would only crawl the second week. Now he is back in action. He walks, climbs, runs and jumps on his little brother Spencer!!

Although we don't get too excited about news on the medical front, something that we have been getting excited over is the way that God has been working in our lives. Remember that gift of faith that God gave me concerning the physical healing that he would bring to Sebastian's body on this earth, in our lifetime for His glory? He is still letting me keep it!!!! He didn't come in the middle of the night and repossess it because I wasn't keeping up on the payments. He didn't try to exchange it for a gift of equal or lesser value. And you know what is even more amazing? I have been trying to re-gift this gift of faith to people all over the place and He just keeps giving me more and more and more. We truly have an awesome God.

I understand a little bit more now that what He has given me is really a unique gift. I know that many people are a little nervous about this whole miracle thing. I am scared out of my mind. I have no idea what I am doing. All I know is that we have held our arms up toward God and he has lifted us up and is carrying us with the love of Jesus Christ. I know that most people don't have this special gift of faith concerning this miracle that is coming. That is okay because what He has given me is so large that everyone can hop on and ride along. It is scary. It is uncertain. It is beyond our human understanding. It is all we have. I am glad that it is all we need.

For specific prayer, please pray that Sebastian would remain free of infections, fevers and other illnesses during the dates of October 8-October 22. Also, for his body to remain strong despite all of the treatment that he is undergoing. Pray for our family as Steve Sr. is going to be working less at Precision Weather and spending more time at home!

In closing, we want to say thank you to all of you for praying for us, thinking about us, calling and sending cards and letters. As many of you have figured out, we have been leaving Sebastian updates on our answering machine and turning the ringer off. We appreciate all of the calls but are sometimes unable to keep up with them all. We hope that you understand our need to step back away from cancer every now and then. Feel free to leave a message if you want, or just listen to the latest news concerning him. Although it consumes a lot of our time right now, cancer is not the center of our lives -- God is. Thank you for understanding.

In the Love of Christ,

The Dockery's